Let’s talk about it!

I recently met up with a few close friends and whilst discussing lifes trials and tribulations over Sangria they asked me my most dreaded question about my future plans to have children… 

Now, this is a question i dread because it was inevitable that i would be asked this at least once at every gathering. Apparently it’s only right since i have been married for 18 months now -with no babies on the horizon. 

  
It was hard to say ‘actually i’ve tried and been pregnant 3 times over the last 18 months but have miscarried each time’. I mean, there is simply no easy way of giving both bouts of news in the same breath especially when you didn’t share the pregnancy news. However, this was my reality and for the last 18 months I had felt incredibly alone even in a room full of people and in the arms of an amazingly loving and supportive husband, simply because i felt no one could understand the pain of loss i was feeling both physically and emotionally. 

  
The strange thing is, early pregnancy loss seems completely subjective which baffles me. To some (like myself) there is a very real sense of loss and mourning that takes place whilst to others there is little or no attachment to an early pregnancy so it doesn’t seem to affect them as much. Or at least it appears that way. I always wondered whether i was simply allowing myself to feel too much and i should just detach myself from feeling excited to be pregnant or try not to mentally plan what the pregnancy was going to be like but it was impossible. All of a sudden, now i knew it wasn’t so easy i felt more of a desire to have children as quickly as possible. 
  
I recently read an article about the founder of Facebook Mark Zuckerberg and his wife announcing their pregnancy and the fact that they had endured 3 previous miscarriages. That article went on to say we should ditch the ‘3 month rule’ of not sharing baby news until after the first trimester as it does more harm than good and instead, we should tell our nearest and dearest who could support us when things don’t go as planned. 

  
I fully agree with that advice. One of the most difficult things about miscarrying was the fact that no one talks about it. No family, no friends. I was convinced i had not come across anyone that this had happened to. I had never even considered that miscarrying could happen to me let alone recurrent miscarriages. It is almost taboo and us women may feel that talking about it is like admitting there is something wrong with our bodies but; It is almost never due to something we did or didn’t do. It is most frequently chromosomal abnormalities. So let’s begin having the dreaded conversation. 
We actually have the power through experience to encourage and empower other women that are struggling with pregnancy loss. 

  
The reality is 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage; And those are only the reported pregnancy statistics. 
The reality is -You are not alone and there is a lot of support out there for US; all we have to do is ask and talk about it. 
The reality is it’s actually difficult to get pregnant let alone sustain a pregnancy with no issues for 9 months. 
The reality is your openness can lift another woman up so… 
Let’s talk about it